Home Care for A Grumpy, Opinioned, Senile and Aging Old Man!
Posted: Tuesday, January 26, 2010
by Bob Alexander
http://www.bluemarlinbob.com
Caring for the aging when they are ill is not for the weak of heart, mind and body. As we all get older, the tendency to complain about the most insignificant thing, increases each day. Helping them through a painful experience can be an adventure for all involved.
When a sick relative has an inclination to point out perceived mistakes and foibles of those around him, it makes it a little difficult to care for them with the kindness, understanding and patience they deserve. Helping with their care can cause even the most steadfast of us to lose our patience.
Thanks to a host of drugs, including liberal use of Morphine, he was able to survive the next five days in the hospital with a minimum amount of conversation. The pharmaceuticals also reduced his discomfort to a tolerable level. The better he began to feel, the grumpier he became.
Crankiness and mental abuse by senior citizens has been the subject of television shows and movies for years. To think that this moodiness was brought on solely by his surgery would be to forget his expertise in picking and nagging at someone until they feel like screaming.
The reason for helping my brother after his surgery despite his tendency to criticize is simple; he's my brother and he was hurting from a disease that is not really a disease. For about five hours his backbone was scraped, cut and glued back together. Bone spurs and deposits of Arthritis were also removed. The doctors said he had the spine of a 95 year old man.
It has been determined that Degenerative Disc Disease is not actually a disease. It's simply a term the medical profession uses to describe changes in your spinal discs as you age. These changes are normal, but are exacerbated by smoking and hard physical work. He has done a lot of both during his lifetime.
A friend, without whom I could not have managed his care, brought him home from the hospital, two hours away from his house. Still fairly heavily sedated he survived the trip home. Then the home care began.
Let it be known that if I had an eight inch incision in the middle of my back, I wouldn't be on my best behavior either. I consider it a God given right to whine and moan about even the slightest of pains. Let's face it, when you're in pain about the only pleasure you have is to gripe. I'm good at that!
My brother didn't really complain, he just tried to micro manage his care. I'm sure professional nurses endure this kind of advice regularly and deal with it with a smile. Not me! Having a low threshold when it comes to someone, no matter how sick, pointing out constantly how I could have done something better, ruffles my feathers.
When we are sick we all complain. I believe it's a necessary part of healing. My hat is off to all caregivers who can last a week or more helping the bedridden without choking them.
Bob Alexander is well experienced in outdoor cooking, fishing and leisure living. Bob is also the author and owner of this article. Visit his sites at:
http://www.homeandgardenbob.com
http://www.redfishbob.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Hi Bob.I'm not sure I'd last that long and I'm a patient person. But I, myself, am not at all a good sick person, so I try to cut others some slack. Only goes so far though.Thanks for you thoughts on the topic.My best to you,Dianne
I was told if I live to be old enough I have earned the right to be grumpy from time to time. It is good to have empathy for others especially when they are suffering. Thanks for sharing.
Send him to me! I LOVE grumpy senile old men. I work in primary care but sometimes go to a nursing home, which pays little, just because I enjoy the residents. They follow me around and their eyes light up their face with a smile. I wondered if there was a way I could adopt a Grandad-some scheme or other, but none exists! Simple humanity works well, as does dementia mapping. The power of touch, of physical contact is important, especially if an elderly person only is ever touched to be cleaned or have food pushed down his reluctant throat.Involving a person as much as possible, even in just drawing his own curtains or folding some clothes, really helps.Humour can also work .I had to deal with someone who complained constantly about everything .He decided to develop severe toothache in the middle of a bank holiday when one can never get hold of a dentist. I said to him' well at least you have something else to be depressed about', and he laughed. It was plainish sailing after this. He used to be a mechanic, so I would get him to hobble down to look at people's wheelchairs when the wheels stuck-it gave him a purpose, although small .A major problem is that Doctors do not seem to realised that death is a natural process and must be avoided at all costs.
Well Bob,I'm experiencing the caretaker thing now and I'll do whatever needs to be done until whenever, but, I can totally relate to the issues you are talking about. I too tip my hat to the caretakers who do this sort of thing for a living--the ones that do it well are gods in my opinion. Me, on the other hand am the farthest thing from that, but I'll do my best for family as long as I can. Great article.
hi bob,a serious subject laced with humor and smiles.i always felt bad for my mom having to be scolded and pinced and yelled at.thanks for sharing,my best,sue
My hat is off to those caregivers as well Bob. Where would we be without them? It takes a special kind of person to do what they do.
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